An incident happened recently that made me curious about sociopaths. I ended up looking up antisocial personality disorders and wound up at an article about selective mutism. I have selective mutism, I always thought it was something that occurred along with social anxiety but it turns out it is rare even for people with SA.
I can't talk to people, I become too anxious and avoid them altogether. I'm slowly getting better with social interactions with my current meds but I still cannot talk to certain people (or rather I only talk to a certain few). I remember failing trigonometry in high school and being so depressed since I couldn't talk to the teacher at ALL. I certainly wasn't going to signup for calculus next year since she was teaching that class too.
People may read me as snobbish, I'm just terrified of them. I don't like rejection, even the possibility of rejection. I'm too nervous to meet new people and never learned how to deal with new people or make/keep friends. I avoid eye contact and stay silent, even when I desperately want to say something and am yelling it in my head. I hope I can work on this more, I'd really hate to show up to uni this fall and still be plagued with this selective mutism. I see my psych next month and hopefully I can get to the bottom of this. I know people can sense there is something off about me, I find it excruciatingly hard to fit in and be normal.