Thank you so much for your response. I just came back from a walk, and I was crying on my way back, and still am. It comforts me to know that you have gone through the same path as me. I agree with what you wrote. My mental health intervenant (like a social worker) told me that sometimes we expect too much and that we should lower our standards. I was considered an achiever... So you know all about the struggling. There are many of us like this. I've been told that we have to go through a grieving process. I seem to be stubborn. My memory keeps bringing back "the old me", and I just don't know when I will be done with that. Yes, indeed I feel like I'm not part of this society anymore. My friends, except one, don't have anytime for me. That came gradually, but it is a fact. I see it more clearly, that if I don't call them, they can be 6 to 8 months without calling me. I don't blame them since not much is going on in my life, it might not be so interesting for them. On the other hand, anyone I meet and speak to, always say that they enjoy speaking with me and find that I'm outgoing and friendly. I'm fluent in cat language. I recently read that the only ones who would not let me down are God, and my soul. So I have long conversations with these two. I ask them questions, as to what they expect of me in the future, and if they could free me from this. I'm still waiting for answers, hints and looking for any sign, if there are any.

Many thanks for your support. I'm here for others too, since that works both ways.