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Originally Posted by trying2survive
ok, i will clarify that for you..if i am grungy, dirty and smelly & wearing a tank & sweatpants and approach a young lady..
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Yeah that bit of clarification is necessary if that was what you meant, but hardly where the sweatpants comparison started I have to mention. Because if you were indicating women in that situation, though I'm pretty sure you weren't, that would be different. If someone can't deal with basic hygiene it's kind of a different discussion point.
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i could be a drug addict/wino for all she knows..we have this thing called stereotypes..
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no, maybe a woman just doesn't want to talk to someone who smells and can't keep themselves together. This is a different point. I don't want to talk to someone like that.
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unfortunately people subconsciously do this all the time, not everyone..maybe not even you, but let me ask you REALISTICALLY ...how many "you's" are truly out there, not many..the first thing ALL people look at is appearance..from that appearance..some type of judgement/assessment is made, doesn't make it right..
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Yeah, but you seem to take that inherent propensity [it's kind of a biologically derived tendency we have to "group things"] and seriously level it up.
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...the women in my life i like to look good, that's just me...
...some people don't care about their appearance, those people are not for me.
everyone is different & i respect that. i'm not a slob & i don't want a slob on my arm...
if you are not actively looking/trying to attract someone & you look like crap & they hit on you..
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But with all these comments you have greatly changed the nature of your point and argument. Difference between "not showing off" or not putting a huge amount of effort into their clothing choice and "looking like crap"/"looking like a slob" is huge, but you've lumped all this together for some reason.
Some with your thing about how you initially just said sweatpants and tank- but now it's if a person is dirty and smelly. I know this is a bit off topic, but I kind of wanted to address that.
I think this is kind of an interesting but important discussion, particularly in the relationship board- many people assume there is one way to interact and attract people, or to date, or to "present themselves". I think a lot of people become discouraged because they are constantly changing this ideal or that which may be assumed is THE KEY to happiness in finding someone compatible, so a discussion like this is good not only for the OP but in general.
The only thing is that when you change your points in mid-conversation it's sort of difficult to make it a reasonable discussion.
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Originally Posted by trying2survive
but the point here is the OP is ACTIVELY SEEKING TO ATTRACT SOMEONE not just randomly getting hit on...that is the point we are missing here  |
I'm still working with that point, actually.
Your assumption is that I'm not.
I don't actually know what the OP looks for in a mate, and neither do you so everything we've talked about could be moot. But it's pretty clear we come from opposite corners of the room.
Back to attraction- my point in a lot of this is: why would you look to attract someone who wouldn't be compatible with you? So "upping your game", in a way that is not characteristic of you typically, would be more likely to backfire down the line.