thanks, everyone. this is really hard...I feel so bad for all the families and loved ones...I want to be thankful to be alive right now, and I know that I am, but I just can't feel it in this moment and that makes me feel really really guilty. And I can't get all of the images and words out of my head - this is where the horrors of OCD come in I suppose - just endless replaying of all the information I can't stop myself from reading. Not sure if others experience this, but when someone is in emotional pain - even if they are a stranger - I obsessively (and compulsively) try to get inside it and imagine what it's like. I don't know why I do this and why I can't stop, because of course it feels awful, but it's just one of those things...it's like I HAVE to understand what they're going through...