TRIGGER warning .....

My dad has never wanted anything to do with me except beat me, verbally/emotionally abuse me, and for his pleasure. Once I was out of his house, as soon as I turned 18, he really had nothing to do with me. I would only see him at family get-togethers. He has always been involved with my siblings' lives, it was only me that he has chosen to ignore.

Those of you who have read either of my two threads I have going right now know I have not been in a good place. Yesterday and today I have been starting to feel better.

In the last hour I have received 10 texts from my dad. I'm trying not to spiral downhill right now. I don't need him contacting me when I am in the mindframe I'm in. I have not replied, which is a big step for me because I always feel I have to reply. I hope he doesn't call me. I cant hear his voice right now. I know I'm a bad daughter. I don't want to hear the crap he will say to me. I know he will end the conversation with "I love you." Then I will feel dirty and I just don't need this right now.