Dear DogTired: sorry to hear you are struggling so....going through the similar things. Our healthcare system in the US sucks, and sucks even more so when it comes to mental health care. That's the fear - how will we get the treatment we need, how can we hold on and advocate for ourselves when we can barely function?

Glad you have support network around you, and so many reach out, here. You show so much perseverance and strength, as others have noted - you've really done a lot to get yourself the help you need. Know what you mean about exhausting your loved ones - my state has a "friends" line run by fellow mental health sufferers - Project Return - is there any in your area? I also reach out to Samaritans.org online in an email - it anonymous, and they get back to you w/in 24 hours; helpful if you are feeling at the end of your rope.

Please take care, and hold on! We're all pulling for you!

-Bolivar