Quote:
Originally Posted by Broken Robot
I went into crisis (aka couldn't function anymore, stopped working, started having the worst mood issues of my life) 8 months back. I haven't been stable since! Some of it can be attributed to the different med combos the dr has tried out on me, some of it is just me. I've been mixed, depressed, had akathisia, anhedonia, depersonalization, crippling anxiety, too much or too little sleep and appetite... and I don't even know how to describe some of it. But the bottom line is I get used to my circumstances, and then they change! The drugs keep not working out. The dr is strongly suggesting ECT at this point, which terrifies me. I'm already struggling with cognitive and memory issues, for one thing...
Am I alone in this? Has anyone else been all over the map suddenly like this when their moods normally change more slowly? If this simply is the illness getting worse with age, I really am afraid for my future!
My current med combo seemed to be working at first, and I made the mistake of being hopeful. Ugh.
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I was were you are 3 years ago. I've done all the med combos as well as ECT. I worked hard with a therapist and about a year ago got to that wellness state then everything came crashing down again in February. And so continues the cycle. I hate it. It destroys my life, It keeps me from what I love, It destroys friendships.
BP is a roller coaster ride. Nothing ever stays the same with this disorder. I personally didn't get any results from ECT but I have seen it work wonders in others. You need to do what you need to do to get stable but you also have to accept the disorder for what it is. That's what I struggle with right now. I hate the disorder, I hate the meds and what they do to me, I just want a normal life, I'm tired of the fight, when I'm well , I'm tired of peering around the corner waiting for the next episode to come around.
In the end, it's our reality and the fight must continue. Nothing's going to ever stay the same and you have to learn how to go with it. Absolutely easier said than done. I'm just navigating myself through this now but I have no choice, gotta get real with it and learn to manage it
Don't know if that was helpful but I just thought I'd share and let you know I've been where you are and this is where I am today with it.
