Hi Celtic, I am sorry for what you've been through, it must have been/still is (?) really painful and something no-one deserves. But really well done on getting away and on now ignoring his texts. That must have taken some strength.
And you know it can be natural to feel weak, powerless, "tainted", and blame yourself for things which seriously weren't your fault after.........but none of it makes you any less of a person, any less important, and you and your wishes/feelings matter just as much as the next person's.
And maybe try to turn some of your feelings outwards from yourself towards your dad?? Afterall he should be carrying the blame anyway, it was him who was inadequate, him who was too weak to treat you the way you deserved to be treated, him who was "powerless" to be the person he should have been in your life.
You've been through enough already, not to have to turn his failings on yourself still. He has no right to be making you feel this way.
I do know it is so much easier to say/think those things than to actually feel/believe them but with the right help and support, it's going to be easier to see that you are so much more than what happened to you, than the the way you're feeling now.
And you have every right to cut him from your life, you owe him nothing. Just concentrate on yourself now, and what's going to help you. You deserve that!!
Here for you
Alison