Hello iam a pathalogical Gambler .
I cant do recovery cause nothing left to recover from.
I gambled everything,if you ask me am I a gambler i will say no iam not a gambler.
Never gamble on anything im very rigid,and dont handle change well at all,stick to what i know taking a chance is scary to me.
What i did do was self medicate myself for years,just to bad i found comfort and hope in gambling.
I came to rely on gambling for everything,my comfort,my escape,my happiness,my friend,it was a place i went to be me.So harmless!
In a casino im Alive ,stress free ,in another world,not a mom ,not a wife,not in pain,not a caregiver.
But then one day Addiciton started comming with me.
And well needless to say like all addictions it destoyed me in the end.
I dont have the courage to come back ,the hole i gambled myself into has no end insight
i cannot even see the bottom yet ,to even start to think about even wanting to climb out.
Its dark and its deep.
Gambling will take me in the end ,maybe not from future gambling as i have almost stopped ,phsyically and mentally it no longer is a strong enough medication for me.
Reality is struggling to come back i see little bits of it.
But i have disassociated myself with reality for so long to protect myself ,that i think i prefer that dark hole instead ,feel safer there.
And today will be no different ,i do not now where or how to sart to come back it is way to overwhelming.
But i know what the face of addiction looks like now.
Working everyday to be gamble free.