EJ: Thank you for your lovely words. You know I think you have an amazing career too.

I just know that when my goalposts change so far that I can't envisage having a superfically normal life that is when that is that for me. I wouldn't want to and couldn't live like that. The thing that is important is maybe i don't care and i'd rather not do anything all day every day and BELIEVE me that happens but i still care in some way about the effect on and what it would look like to others if i fell apart visibly. namely my dad, best friends, and work colleagues. also i know that at some point it will probably pass ... i hate taking meds so much but i must admit i seem to have a bit more energy already.

anyway - i have loved reading your and Juliana's posts. makes sense to me