I am super impressed that you are in grad school! That is a huge accomplishment.
But I do relate to missing "the real you." In Spring, I still get manias, despite being on good meds for over 15 years. Not the super highs I used to get but elevated moods.
Walking in Nature helps me get happy. So does dancing. But it's so frustrating not to have all the creativity. I used to draw well, sketched in cafés & people would say "amazing talent!" I cannot draw to save my life now! That used to be so enjoyable.
I am a member of 3 writing groups & writing is fun. Sharing my poetry with others is good.
You can be proud that you can focus on studies. Most people with this brain disorder can't even finish a bachelor's degree.
Staying on good meds, the meds that work for you, is laudable. So many people go off their meds to recapture the wild manias. Even Kay Redfield-Jamison, who has an MD, has done that & regretted it.
Hugs to you. I know what it's like to want the "real you" back!
*******

I don't even mean the extreme frenzied mania, just the milder feeling of being energetic and capable and just happy basically. It was a feeling that back in the day I didn't even associate with my bipolar disorder, it was just contentment from a fun day out with friends or a little surge of joy after something went right at school/work. I never thought of it as extreme then, I mean I definitely had way more extremely elated manic moods, I just thought of it as being happy. Just normal person happy.

But I haven't felt that way for years now. I don't even know myself now. I used to be very creative and fun to be around, and I knew some of that would go away with treatment, but I guess I thought after a while of being "normal" it would come back somewhat. A lot of what I felt defined my personality is gone and I'm slowly realizing that it is going to stay gone.

I just finished my first year of grad school and everyone here likes me and thinks I'm sorta fun, but it's nothing compared to how I used to be. When I'm around my old friends I can tell that I'm not as interesting as I used to be. I used to be so fun and clever, and I'm not expecting to be the life of the party again, I just thought that after being stable a while some of my personality would come back.