Hey everyone-itsjustme. I am so sorry; especially those who have been supporting me and encouraging me. My doctors office phoned and they could not get me in soon enough to my own psychiatrist. They want me to see someone else. I am not comfortable with this. It took me months to go in and be honest with my family doc that I trust and adore. How can I go to someone else and spill my guts? I have major issues with opening up. I can't be placed in the hospital right now; I have my kids until the 15th. If I phone my ex and tell him I need to bring them back early; I am scre----d. I cant let him have this control. Man; I am so frustrated. I made a big mistake by telling my doc what I did today. I am just going to go see him and tell him I am okay; I will take the pills home that he wanted to give me; but I will never go on them. I went into a mania from others before and I am not willing to go through that again. And sleeping pills- get real - I have a seven year old son whom is ADHD and epileptic; thats what he needs; a mom that cant get out of bed. I just want to yell, scream, swear; just get mad; more at myself because I am so stupid. Why am I letting this bull take over me. I used to be so strong. What is wrong with me??? I will deal with this on my own; my way.
Thanks for everything but things are the way they are; I just have to accept that.
My fears take control;
My soul has left;
My blood has drained;
My emptiness is real.

I just need to get it together; thats what my parents always say; I guess I should have listened years ago.

See you; Elizabeth.