**A slight SI trigger**


I hope that this can go here in the forums.

A little about me before I get to my main point:

I hate making friends. I prefer to be alone 95% of my time. I am not attracted to anyone, men or women. I hate romance and commitment, etc.

Ok, now that that is gone. I go to group therapy 2 days per week and I hate it. I have had 2 guys hit on me. I had one woman hit on me a while ago. Recently, I had another woman hit on me and ask me out.

In group, I never talked to her. She asked me about job searching one day and I gave her a website. She said she couldn't find it and asked if I could add her on Facebook. I reluctantly agreed. I am very picky about who I add on facebook. I thought I would give her the job search websites and be done, no longer communicate. Well, that night, she said she liked me and asked me out. I declined of course.

I am sick of being hit on. I dress in loose women's jeans and a loose men's t-shirt. I dress in clothes that should be unattractive and I still get hit on!! My body is not attractive either, so, I don't get it. If you have advice on how to dress unattractively, please let me know!!

I feel so stupid for letting her get on my Facebook friend's list. I still have her there only because she said she respected my decision. But, I am paranoid. She is either going to leave me alone or she will try to get close to me and be my friend and try to be more, which I don't want. I don't like getting close to anyone. I enjoy my freedom, privacy, time alone.

I feel like I am being smothered. I can't breathe. I have no air. I need to run away, escape, anything to get away.

This 4th time of being hit on has gotten to me. I have been extremely irritable and angry. I have been crying on and off. I am getting frustrated and angry with everything very easily now. I plan to skip group therapy this week, and maybe next week too.

When I go back, I will have to change the way I dress and the days that I go.

I want to flee the area, leave, tell no one where I am going. I feel like hurting myself. I am seriously shutting down. I have been having a hard time showering now. I can barely eat. My stomach has been having a lot of pain. I can barely talk to any friends. I rarely do to begin with, but I feel the need to cut them all off for a longer time than usual. I am really having a hard time functioning.

I know, I am overreacting, but, I seriously can't help it. If I don't figure out how to cope, I will probably end up in the hospital all because of something that should not have happened to me. I can't deal with this. I seriously can't. I am so tired of everything and I can't sleep. I feel like there is nothing left in me. I am hallowed out.