[QUOTE=wildgopher;[/QUOTE]


I think it would be very good to look up the word, "transference" or "attachment disorders" on your computer and learn more of what this kind of dependency means. Then, if possible, find a therapist who is tolerant and gentle with attachment problems.
Don't blame yourself or be rough on yourself about it, but just realize it won't go away by just using will power. You don't want it to go away but to just be more comfortable and in control.

You're very thoughtful to consider what your needs might do to the other person, which is great, but it also is part of the troubles that you have. Transference and attachment problems are well researched and tons of knowledge has been gained in helping people with this. If you do get a therapist, ask first how she/he relates to transference, as you want someone who will be patient and accepting. Once, you become attached to the T, it's too late to ask, because of your sensitive feelings.

I've been working on myself about this in therapy, so do know some of the strong feelings and how to deal with them. You've taken a very important step by admitting and describing what you feel to the forum here. next step is to get professional help that's sympathetic instead of trying do-it-yourself that just runs you in circles. There are also many discussions here on the forum that are about the situation that you have with the person you need.