(Copied from 'other mental health issues')

So, I'm going to do my best to articulate my inner environment, and perhaps you fine folks can help me gain some insights into what my issues may be. I have no money for therapy.

It's difficult for me to know where to start. None of this feels very linear or sequitur, so I don't exactly think that it can be told like a story or anything...

I am male, 25, around 5'7", 160lbs. Mostly healthy, somewhat active, vegetarian, cigarette smoker, light drinker, light cannabis user.

Basically, my emotions are very intense. For me there is no such thing as just a "good" day or just a "bad" day. Each day I experience a full spectrum of emotions periodically, and each feeling is very vibrant and seems to grab hold of my entire being for a while. Sometimes there are specific triggers, sometimes it just happens as fluid and strong feelings which come and go, passing through me uninvited during my waking hours.

I also have a tendency to be extremely, overly analytical. Almost anything which I observe, hear, or experience instantly becomes a subject of vigorous mental scrutiny. It's as though, in those moments, my mind expands and multiplies in all directions. My "mind" becomes the abstract environment for hundreds of "meta-minds" which analyze new data in a way that is very shrewd and calculating, and then stacks them against my preconceived opinions, notions, and judgements. All of this occurs very quickly, and it can be very distracting.

I'm realizing that I am very insecure, and in a lot of ways I lack self-esteem. For some reason I often feel inadequate or unattractive. For years I've despised the way I look in pictures or in the mirror. Logically it makes no sense. Every woman I've ever been with (mostly) has been beautiful. My current girlfriend (our one-year is in a week) is extremely physically attractive and she finds ways to tell me that I am aesthetically pleasing to her basically every day. Frequently she becomes frustrated when my initial response has an air of disbelief or doubt. On the same tack, I often feel worried about infidelity or slightly jealous in my relationship. Certain ideas make me unreasonably uncomfortable, and I have trouble coping with my knowledge of my girlfriend's sexual past. This could be a product of my own promiscuity in the past, and my (now abated) past tendencies for pathological cheating. I could very well be projecting the terrible guilty image I've had of myself onto my girlfriend or my relationship.
Further, I have always struggled with anger and depression. When I was younger (third grade or so) I was required to participate in group therapy and anger management sessions in school. I've been doing alright coping with my anger recently. I'm doing better with outbursts like yelling and throwing objects. I've invented personal mantras and have meditated heavily that anger is simply the outer expression of inner hurt, sadness, or fear.

I have mild compulsions. Symmetry of objects at home, of my own face (hair, beard, etc) are important. I clean my phone screen fairly compulsively. Things of that nature. I say that it's mild because I don't have "voices" or specific "rituals". Just little tweaky things I have to set right sometimes.

Lastly, my whole life I have felt as though I am different or set apart from almost everyone, including my peers. This doesn't mean that I'm antisocial. I have lots of friends, some of which are very close, all of which describe me as likeable, intelligent, and charismatic. I think that I am just acutely aware, due to empathy, of distinct differences in cognitive patterns between myself and other people. Whatever the cause, I just feel set apart. Like this plastic society is alien and strange. Often I feel like none of us, including me, is living the way that the human animal is designed to live anymore, and it severely affects our psychology and archetypes on an individual and mass social scale. I recognize these things but am powerless to break outside of the cycles, and so I am left feeling alone and outcast.

So, sorry this was a long post. I have also posted this in the 'Other Mental Health' category because it may fit there. Thanks for reading, and any insights or ideas would be valued beyond measure.