I think whatever happens in session is good. It is revealing of something even if it feels 'unproductive'.

Silences are important and therapeutic. It's a sign you have a good T that he doesn't attempt to fill them up with his talking or yours. He lets them happen. Silences lead somewhere. Sometimes I just say "I don't know where to go from here" during a silence, or that I feel uncomfortable or alone during the silences. It's all okay. It's all important.

I ended my last session kind of similarly. I am fairly new with this T, having just had my 4th session with her. At the end I said that I realize I am flitting about, not landing on much but that I seem to need to do that right now. (I think it is my way of getting my story out in bits and pieces, gauging her reaction, building trust, etc. Like so many of us, I am always waiting for judgement, of what I am talking about, my perceptions... me. But the only judging taking place in that room is coming from me.) I think that outside of session some self-analyzing and over-analyzing can be a form of self- judgement or a fear of being judged so we analyze in an attempt to guess about that. ... Anyway, when I said to her about flitting around like a butterfly on a shrub, not landing anywhere long, she was so calming and reassuring about it and just said "It's okay--we'll just see what comes up". . I like how accepting of me she is, even when I am not.

I hate when I want to say something but it comes out wrong and that is not limited to sessions.. it happens all the time...here, IRL.... Or I decide before session on something I want to talk about but when I get to it, I minimize it or otherwise don't get out all the thoughts I'd had about it. I hope I will get better with practice. Each session is practice..

I think your session went better than you think it did, even if it didn't go the way you were hoping it would. Look how much it left you thinking about things; it has stimulated you and that's a good thing. Take whatever good you can and go from there. Be kind to you. You are doing your best at the moment and that is all we can do and all we have.

It is frustrating when you want to get to things in session but don't or can't or not to the level you want to. After a session like that the frustration makes me cry too. I hope you are feeling much better tonight.