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Originally Posted by Blitter2014
Hi Bumble. I find staying focused on a single task helps me not think about me or where I am at. So even though I am breaking inside I can ignore that if I can distract....and a good destraction is helping others as you have been doing.
But it hasn't removed the battle in your head, just changed your focus, hence being so tired cause you have still been battling - just in the background rather than full frontal. You have done something truly wonderful in giving to someone else, yet you probably wish someone was putting that much energies and effort into helping you....I know yhats how I would feel. Spend your last cent helping the homeless and you expect karma to help you back type thing.
Cold at heart could be you protecting yourself......no exposure is no embarrassing self, no explanation required, everything is ok so don't ask. It's just easier. You probably don't have anything left yo offer atm....doinds like you gave this project your all...don't beat up on yourself for running out puff... sounds like anyone would. Personaaly I have just come off seroquel and found it one of the worst zombifying and self motivation sapping drugs I have ever been on. Well done for battling through thst....It made me just want yo ignore the world till I got do angry with my inaction that I would fly off and rant and race around till I was exhausted.
Most of all, there is no shame where there is no choice, you didn't choose what you suffer from and yet you find it within youself to give time and energy to others. If anything I commend you and say well dine. But you've run yourself empty and now need some downtime- be ok with that.....the nervous high energy you probably been running on can only last do long....give yourself a break.
Hugs
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Hi Blitter, thanks for your message. I guess I'm just spent. This was the second show in quick succession. My other one was working closely with a lovely chap who suffers quite badly from mental health problems. Catering to him was not easy.
I am trying to distract , just watched a whole mid-day rubbish show about women and bras, it can't get more base than that. The thoughts won't go. I have so much other work to do still and can't find the brain to do it. I never really thought about returns.
I think there are people that want to help but you know how it is when you can't voice what you need let alone say how you feel. I suppose mostly people have friends that they talk to or do they? I appreciate your comments. To be seen for a millisecond is a strange mix of alarming and relief.
I hope your week is a good one .
Thank you. B