Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicalRaven
Hi. I'm getting really confused about the problems I'm having with my best friend of almost 15 years. We've been friends though high school and college, she's married now and is pregnant. I've never really liked kids but i'm willing to try for her, I just don't know why I don't feel excited for her like I should. I feel ashamed about that because I know this is an exciting time in her life and I feel like she doesn't think she can share it with me.
A little bit of backstory, I was diagnosed with Major Depression a year and a half ago and since then it's been very difficult for me to tell her how I'm feeling without seeming really self centered. I really like hanging out with her and we used to hang out a lot, like 1-4 times a week. Now it's lucky if I see her 1-2 times a month. She basically has told me that she feels like she has been my main pillar to lean on for a while and she can't handle it anymore. Now that she's pregnant she says that I'm self centered and that I should be more happy for her. I tried to tell her that I want to be happy for her but I can't help but feel like I'm losing her as a friend. She doesn't confide in me anymore and she basically doesn't go out with me unless I beg her.
We had a bit of a spat on Friday. She called me an "apocalyptic self centered narcissist" because I'm worried that she won't have time for me anymore once the baby gets here. I didn't know that I was a narcissist and when I asked my other friends about it they seemed really upset that she would say that to me and said that she must be "having issues because she's pregnant."
I don't know what to do. I want to hang out with her but I'm afraid that I will confront her and say something I'll regret or she doesn't like and she'll eventually cut me out of her life.
So confused. Any ideas?
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I see a few things going on here. First of all, you've admitted that you dont' even like kids so it's kind of hard for you to be excited for her for something that you have no interest in or even a distaste for. I'm sure she feels that. Also you've mentioned you hve a fear she won't have any time for you, so that's clouding your ability to actually appreciate the good that is coming for her, you see it as a negative impact on your life.
Second she's pregnant. I am sure you know all the hormonal things that go on with a pregnant woman, so keep in mind everything she feels is amplified right now.
You're very much worried about yourself over the well being of your friend and her happiness, rather than seeing the gift that a child can be to you're friend you're focused on the above things I've replied to.
Of course it's affecting your relationship. Just in your short post here I can feel the negativity in your perspective in the situation, the changes coming and how you might lose a friend or at least have less time with her. As strongly as it comes across in this post, I don't doubt it comes through in your conversations with her and is affecting things for the worst.