First, yes some peoples idea of finding happiness may not conform to others........but if I read her post correctly, his idea at this time is NOT conforming to hers, even tho she attempted to 'go there' because he wanted it. I don't think anywhere in her post did she say SHE was the one who initiated this need to experiment with casual sex.

And secondly, if giving him an ultimatum may cause 'another failed relationship'....maybe that is exactly what needs to happen BEFORE they get married.

I'm with S4ndm4n....if he still needs to have casual sex (in his late 30's) to make up for what he felt he lost when he was younger....besides it being unconscionable health wise (and really??? do we ALL believe he's using 'safe sex' every time?), it is also eating at her self-esteem and making it quite obvious that he is not mature enough for a committed relationship. Whether he is 2 states away, or 2 minutes away.

My opinion, for what it's worth...she should get a little perspective on where this relationship is logically going, and if it is NOT something she is comfortable with now...it will NOT be something she is comfortable with later. If that's the conclusion...she needs to move on...as painful as that is, it will not be less painful later.