I am so alone and i dont know where to go.

There is no-one I can talk to who doesnt think I am silly or stupid for feeling the way I do. I cant keep this act up any longer. Trying to put on the "happy face" when I am around other people because they cant handle me as I am.

I sometimes know what I feel about the way people are around me is irrational,but I cant stop myself thinking like it. I just wish for one day i could go back to being me, without all of the rubbish that is going on in my head.

I dont know if my AD's have had enough time to kick in, and my anti-psychotics, although they seemed to be working for the first week seem to be having little or no effect now

I need to release these feelings inside and my self-harming has really escalated over the last week or so. I am harming twice or more during the day, just to get through. I dont think I can handle this much longer.

Have phoned for an appt with my doc this morning but there is no guarantee I will see him. I was on the phone for over half an hour waiting to get through. I just know I wont be able to tell another doc exactly how i feel. I am scared by the way I am feeling and I only feel comfortable talking to my doc about it. I need more meds as I am suppsed to go on holiday on friday but know if i get to many then I am likely to OD. My doc will not trust me but will arrange for me to have enough pills to go on holiday with and I am worried that if i see another doc then they will give me enough pills to OD on

I dont know what to do anymore