Hi susan, for your last question, you'll see if you look around here that SI can be dangerous, as of course, it can be addictive, the cuts can get deeper......, more frequent........., more extensive.......and sometimes however in control you think you are there's still a chance that one time you're going to cut way deeper than you intended and........who know's. And of course sometimes it can lead to thoughts of sui for some people if they find themselves in a really bad place.
And that's really not meant as "scare tactics" because I know that's not that often a way to stop cutting anyway, and not something I'd generally use- just answering your question.
NOW, the cutting as a sexual thing sounds more "secondary" (maybe following on from.......) to me.
Do you think you could start by telling us a just a little more about where some of the emotional pain came from when you started and continued with the SI? It does sound like you've had a really difficult time in the past and from quite a young age.
I don't know if you've had much of a chance to really look around here, but you will find that there are a lot of non-judgmental people around, so the more you can tell us (in you own time) the easier it might be in helping us to offer you some support.
It does sound like you want some help with this, and we're here to help as much as we can if you want to talk a bit more.
Alison