Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it helped to hear that I am already reaching out, so the self destructive part isn't fully in control - despite how it may feel!

After writing this, later, I managed to talk to my family about some of the stuff swirling around in my mind, stuff with work etc....and how that has brought up lots of previous pain. I even managed to say that I had overwhelming self harm thoughts that were making me extra tired - and it wasn't easy to say (or assumingly hear) but it was good to be honest. I'm so tired of hiding it away like some dirty secret. I don't tell anyone normally, except my therapist but I haven't seen her in quite a few weeks (although had some contact via email).

I'm trying my hardest to accept that I will feel crap after the stress that has happened recently ...And to not let it become a catastrophe that encompasses my whole life. It is hard to sit in the pain when it hurts to high hell - that's so why I need people to hear me, and it makes such a difference to be validated and reassured that I'm doing well....sometimes that pain makes me think it's all bad!

Thank you again.