"Too good."

I've heard that phrase thrown around a lot, and even though I've been on the receiving end of it often, I'm just as guilty of that way of thinking as anyone else is. I probably won't say it out loud, but I will tend to think it, unless proven otherwise.

Let's say someone has social anxiety or poor self-esteem, or is just plain introverted. So, they keep to themselves. If they live with family, they stay in their bedrooms a lot. If they live on their own, they're home all the time and rarely go out. They don't talk much to others. At school or work, they seek out empty tables in the cafeteria, and eat alone. They don't participate. They don't like to be on a team. They sit on the sidelines and watch, and if they are invited, they won't join in the game.

People tend to jump to the conclusion that there is TOO MUCH ego involved, when it could very well be not enough. I've heard it said exactly like this: "Well hey there, Miss Stuck Up and Unsociable. Why don't you come over here and join us?" It's said in a jesting manner, but it does show the assumption. The people in question have two choices: Join the others and have a major anxiety attack, or have them all say among themselves, "She thinks she's too good for us."

Maybe they've been punished too harshly, too many times, for being imperfect, and now they're afraid to commit any kind of social faux pas whatsoever. Maybe they imagine everyone is staring at them and judging them. Maybe they're afraid of being yelled at if they drop the ball, or laughed at if they fart out loud or something. In my experience, I've had people ridicule me for thinking I'm above the others, "too good" to join in the game, so I go ahead and play, only to have them be furious with me for playing it horribly and making my team lose. Well, that's why I didn't want to play in the first place. Right?

But I am guilty of that assumption myself. I recall a woman in a certain therapy group. After we completed our written assignments and were taking our turns discussing what we wrote, when it came to her, she'd always pass. "I don't want to share mine." And my automatic thought was, "She thinks she's too good to spill her guts like the rest of us." I was wrong to think that. It's more likely she has some kind of social anxiety and can't speak in a group.

So why do we automatically think "too good"?