I want to reply...but I am unsure what to say. I have been where you are at, so at least know you are not alone. No matter what it takes you need to talk with your doc. If you do have to talk with another doc please tell them you are a risk for OD--you got to be honest about it. Do you have a therapist to talk with? Do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe. If you have one specific thing you self harm with--get rid of it. I feel for you and wish I could help.