Ok. So here's the deal. I'm a 19-year-old female and have been getting treatment for depression for almost 3 1/2 years. I have tried countless medications as well as multiple counselors. I'm seeing a new counselor (have been for about two months) and we click VERY well. She's young and sweet, and I think she totally gets where I'm coming from. Our sessions are the one time each week when I really feel heard and understood, and I kind of push feeling away during the week until that time.

So I guess that leads me to the problem. 45 minutes isn't nearly enough time to talk about all I need to, and I leave my appointments (with current counselor and am past one) feeling more depressed than before. In fact, I usually go home and have a good cry. And then count down the days until I see her again.

Now, from what I've researched, when people talk to their counselor they get a lot of intense emotions out and running around, which can be emotionally exhausting, and that's why people feel bad afterwards. And while I definitely believe that's part of it, I really don't think that's the full problem.

I think I look forward to my appointments too much. I think I'm living for them and floating through life between them. It sure feels like it. I could not tell you how many times between appointments I think about them. And I remember thinking just the other day "you can make it. Two more days and you're back."

Yesterday my counselor canceled my appointment for this week (she's out of town or something). I was devastated and felt really blue the rest of the day. Which makes me even more convinced about my theory.

So yeah. That's it. And I'm not sure what to do about it.
Anyone else feel this way? Did you tell your counselor? Then what happened? What do I do?