Some of you might have seen my recent posts about feeling like i'm going to die without my therapist (and i'm sorry if they get annoying-it's just that I frequently feel like that way because of pre-verbal separation issues).

Anyway, on Sunday I reached out to him via text. He responded with some interpretations. I got angry with him and texted back a couple of sarcastic (angry) messages. I also asked if I could come over his house which is so embarrassing to me now.

I told him today that i was mad about his responses because I needed warmth and comfort, while the clinical interpretations seemed cold. But it feels like being angry was being verbally abusive at the same time. No, I didn't call him names or swear, but I was sarcastic and angry.

Is it better to be honest and be a jerk with your therapist, or would you hold back? (or maybe you're never a jerk like me!) I told him I thought it was ok since he wanted to know how I felt all of the time. It would seem dishonest to not express myself honestly. My last therapist accepted me when I was at my worst, and I am still grateful for this.

I feel so incredibly bad about this-not guilty, but remorseful/repentant. He is so good to me and so kind. I am glad I feel safe enough to show him my bad side, and he doesn't get reactive. He was not judgmental.

Can anyone relate?

I know I could have said this with fewer words. I just feel TERRIBLE about the way I acted. Or am I overreacting about the way I reacted? Dissenting opinions ok...