Oh I am so so sorry. I wish I knew what to say or do or advise. I don't. Just keep holding on. Don't you dare let go. Someday this part will be over and you will have what you had again. I know what you mean when it is like nothing matters and nothing penetrates it. I remember a couple of years ago after my big mixed I felt like that forever. At one point I felt like I had to retrain my brain to feel. I tried reading chicken soup for the mother's soul of all things! I was trying go back to my adolescence and what moved me then. I was trying to break into my soul somehow. Break into the real me. I think I tried to watch some sappy lifetime movies or something too. I don't know. I can't say that it worked. Nothing worked until it was over.

The hardest part is the kids. It is beyond horrible to feel like this with the amazing beauty and blessing of them in your face but you can barely feel it or see it. Now I'm going to cry. It is painful beyond belief. But you're still there! You're still with them! Just snuggle them and give them bowls of chips and watch a movie. They will think it is awesome and you can enjoy their presence. And if you do that every day who cares!!! There are no rules here.

And give yourself that little break that you love them so much that you feel awful that you are feeling awful because you want to be more present with them. Not all kids have a mom like that. You love them. Just let them know that.

This will be over someday. I am so sorry you are still dealing with this. Please hold on. I will ask for grace for you as well. Right now.