Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicalRaven
I want to be happy for her but there are circumstances in her life that just worry me. If it were me having this baby I would be freaking out. Her and her husband live with her mom and both of them have super part time jobs. They are financially unstable and from an outsiders perspective their marriage has been kind of rocky for the past couple of years. She would argue that that's not the case but I don't see it as a happy marriage if the husband won't put out for you, except for the one time he does in a LONG time and you get pregnant. :/
It's also hard for me to be happy for her when she's not supportive of the dating relationship I'm in right now, that actually makes me happy.
Thank you for your kind words. You have opened my eyes to the fact that yes it does sound really self centered the way that I see things but that it's not the fault of either person.
I really am trying to be a good friend here, but she's basically told me that if I don't just "let the past be the past" with other issues we've had that she might have to "take a break" and not see me for a while. Makes me feel like my feelings aren't valid, and now I have no way of telling her that without risking the friendship.
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Thank you for elaborating on this, I kind of figured there were other factors that were left out that were affecting the situation and with all of the stuff you've just mentioned, I can understand your concerns about her but... to ease your mind, when it comes to a child, most times people just are never ready for it. for the first child you have no idea what to expect mentally, financially, physically and it's all new. For me personally if I want another child (need a gf first or wife haha) I would just do it and know that it's going to be expensive and trying but I'm gven to that idea
that's just me.
For you, if you can think about ways she might need you in relation to the situation, with her emotional state, her marriage, financial instability, etc. Be there for her and that will go very far to strengthening your relationship. Don't ruminate about that which you cannot affect but those things you can change and do something about. In other words, the child, is coming.. you cannot change that, but what can you do to strengthen the friendship, making provision for this new comer? It's hard, because even as a friend, and not the actual mother, you have no idea what it entails so just be flexible and open.
Well, here we are.. she's not supportive of your dating relationship so.. you both should agree to support each other for what makes each one happy - she needs you to be supportive of her, her pregnancy and marriage, you need the same kind of support. Something to talk to her about
Keep in mind, you're individuals, and you'll make choices she doesn't agree with and vice versa. it's part of being unique individuals. Part of being a good friend is being able to say to each other (both of you) I don't agree, but I love you as my friend and will support you because of that reason alone.
You're very welcome. If you need to talk you can pm me anytime. But also, you have to friend me in order to pm me first haha.