I don't think my T much thinks about "NORMAL" and would only look at things as to whether or not I was able to soothe or control or deal with something happening or inside of me....
What may be okay and normal for me....being from the deep south and an older woman...may not be so appropriate for someone from Italy and in her 20's....
I hear what you are saying..but for me it just leads to more "shoulds" or "should have's" etc....
For me that means lots more shame which is a huge issue for me and he helps me to look for ways to avoid some of my own self-censure.

That's just my way of looking at it...don't know if it makes sense or not..???

Hugs,
WB