That's exactly what it is. Not only is my family no where near i'm at a job where i'm alone all day in an office, no co workers, no conversation, nothing. Even all my friends have forgotten about me minus one, since i've moved. I literally have no one but him. I'm so lonely all the time and so bored all the time all I have is a bajillion hours to dwell on this and make myself miserable. Which usually isn't my way to do things, i just can't seem to help it. He's been nice in the past with trying to offer help, or with doing things for me, or talking to me, like I said, seems the relationship was better ALL THE WAY ARound before we actually moved in with eachother and started dating. That's sad imo that i'd miss being 500 miles from him and how good the relationship was then. It's like, i'm a friend to him, and not even a good one. Just a friend that he kisses and cuddles with. He's not broke by any means, or poor, he has an income far larger than mine, and for some reason ALL my money goes to him while everything I need is completely put on the back burner like I stated. When i've brought up the idea of counseling when we had worst, sometimes abusive, problems before, he just said he woudln't go to any doctor that just wants to shove meds down people's throats, even though i explained that's not what would happen. I just wish I felt like I had someone and wish I felt like I had a home that was actually mine and the attention I deserved medically and emotionally. I feel like i'm just here, floating along on someone else's dream with nothing of my own and nothing to look forward to either. It sucks being 30 and feeling like i've wasted 30 years and i have no satisfaction. It's very depressing and when I talk to him about things it doesn't help. I wish I knew i could trust him and wish I knew he cared and maybe this would be easier, but as it's been stated plenty of times in the past, actions speak alot louder than words. i'm not feeling the actions.