Quote:
Originally Posted by junestarlit
So, i'm past the point, despite lacking trust in just about every human being, of fearing my bf's cheating on me.
We're with eachother constantly, he emails me/texts me throughout the day while we're at work, etc. We like doing things together and like hanging out together at home..
We're affectionate in that he likes to cuddle a lot, kisses me, etc. We just don't ever have sex anymore it seems. Before we were living with each other our brains were constantly on sex, i.e. on the phone, messengers, etc.. Now nothing. Now it's like a joke or something that I can't get any from my boyfriend. He says I wait until it's too late, or he wasn't sure I was trying to, etc. Not to mention outside of that i've done plenty for him and he's done nothing in the 2 years we've been dating for me, as far as sexually... going down! I'm clean so that's not an issue. I am over weight but he is as well and he says he still thinks i'm attractive, etc.
It's just becoming a huge issue and despite me throwing out words here and there in regards to it, whenever we've sat down and spoke about it, seems to get over looked as if it's not important. I know sex isn't everything but i'm only 30, i'm divorced, i left an unhappy marriage in hopes of being happy. Not going through the same thing for the rest of my life.
It just seems outside of material things anything that would make me happy he has no care for. Like i'm just here for his life to ride along. I'm not financially independent and I rely on him for help with some things but don't get as much help as I need, that I know he can help me with, for my health (No insurance, need a dentist, etc). Yet, we have money to do this or go here, or do that. Yet the important things aren't getting taken care of.
Despite him being nice to me mostly, and spending money on me, taking me places, enjoying his time with me when we're not nit picking, why do i feel as though i'm just an extra income to him to help him towards his goals while i'm just here with no satisfaction in my life in -any- aspect? I feel like i'm just hanging out with a close friend. I don't know how I should feel. i just wish things were differnet. I wish it was how it was before we lived with eachother. All the talking in the world doesn't seem to change anything because when i have an opinion i'm usually "wrong" despite it being the impression I get.
Sigh.
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well junestarlit...you have a problem on your hands (duh?? right)
so you have tried to talk to your bf & he is not getting it. you may have to try the "blunt stick" approach! LOL! you have got to be a lil more a matter of fact...you are not getting your needs met and it is an issue. in a relationship both partners are responsible for taking care of each other's needs.period.
there is no excuse for him to be withholding sex from you...sex is a very, very important part of a relationship and all partners involved need to be on the same page or there is going to be trouble.
when i am dating i make it a point to let any perspective gf know upfront that i have a high sex drive and that stops any misunderstandings early on, everyone is different but these are topics that need to come up when someone is dating..but all too often people don't want to touch the subject for fear of running people away.
there are things you want done(going down,etc) and it's not happening.
this is a real problem that needs to be fixed. your satisfaction as well as his is very important or it won't work..simple as that. IMHO it is never "too late" or "too early" or "too hot" or "too cold" to have sex..these are BS excuses..nothing more, simply an attempt to get out of it that's all & it is not fair to you.
i get the impression your bf is selfish and irresponsible..i suggest you start becoming more independent, it can't be all about HIM and pfft on you, a relationship is a 2 way street..teamwork, the idea is to work together on all endeavors, he doesn't want to do it...it's time for a change.
he needs to be told( nicely not yelling or screaming) that you are not satisfied with how things are and you will not continue to be unhappy, again a relationship is about balance & fairness..one person can't do all the work, he starts helping or you move on!
i hope this helps & you guys can work things out!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
