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May 28, 2014, 03:06 PM
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Grand Poohbah
Community Liaison
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Member Since: Jan 2011
Location: Surrey, SE London, UK
Posts: 1,628
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Hello my dear friend (((((eskie))))). Hunny, I'm so sorry that you suffer these on going serious issues regarding anything relating to food and eating. I think you know I have big issues too, either trying to keep well away from food, to hide my food, to pretend to family I live with that I AM eating (they know I don't) and sometimes even throwing in the odd binge HORROR of all HORRORS. Over the last 30 plus years I've been 100% stuck in one ED or another. I've been hospitalised a number of times due to anorexia, then at a higher weight hospitalised for bulimia and consequently another in~patient due to my overdoses because I binged so badly I became overweight ~ I just could NOT live life as a FAT person, no way. For all of these years I been in one ED after another. Mostly now I severely restrict and I've done that these last couple of years. Sometimes to stop myself eating I've drank wine to make myself feel sick ~ using that as a way to restrict, even though wine has calories. Wine does NOT give me that ''fullness'' that you mentioned, I too HATE feeling full up, when full I just want to go off and get rid of that feeling any way I can. Whats so very annoying is that I've completely messed up my metabolism and so I have to eat NOTHING to loose weight. That coupled with the psych meds I'm now on, they have also made me gain a lot.   I have Borderline Personality Disorder and ED's are just one of the many horrible symptoms it comes with. I'm in therapy now and have been for quite a while. I've stopped drinking alcohol, I'm in a de~tox/re~hab to get off of a painkiller I was addicted to (it curbed my appatite) and I'm getting better following a 7 month suicidal depression. I don't believe I'll ever be ''normal'' again, why should I? I still LOVE feeling and being thin, not just slim, I yern to be THIN. So my darling (((((eskie))))) I so DO UNDERSTAND exactly where you are coming from, I really do. I send you big HUGS and even more LOVES, as ever.
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