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Old May 28, 2014, 03:57 PM
AppalachianAxis AppalachianAxis is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 156
So, after two quasi-failed attempts at regular therapists, I recently felt brave and desperate enough to try Sexual Therapy in an attempt to sort out my sexual issues. After an initial consult, I was feeling very good about my decision. The woman I was seeing was confident, knowledgeable, and blunt. She was everything I needed. I felt I had finally found the "right" T for me. Someone I could speak frankly with about my aversion to my own sexuality.

However, upon my second visit, I'm not so sure. She seems very focused on the social aspect of things. Giving me a "homework" assignment bidding me make an effort to go out and try and meet/date women. Thing is, as I pointed out to her, my having never dated or engaged with someone else in any way remotely sexual is but a single by-product of the larger issue I came to explore; that being my hatred of sexuality. My aversion to sex is the reason I don't date, not the other way around. She acknowledged this, then asked me to put that issue aside and focus on the task she had assigned me.
My problem is not that I'm socially inept around girls, I get along swimmingly with them (until things get sexual obviously). I just find the whole concept of "dating" in general fairly tasteless, regardless of my sexual issues. I like to meet people naturally. That is to say: I like to meet people when I met them, not arrange meetings for the sake of testing compatibility. The idea of "trying people out" just to find the best fit just isn't my bag. Again, I told her this and again she just kind of turned the conversation back to the same place.
My problem is that I feel like I'm not addressing the issues I came in to talk about.

What I need to do is explore why I feel the way I do towards my sex drive. I need to come to a better understanding of why I find my engaging in something as simple as masturbating to cause me to feel wholly and morally repulsed, angry, crushingly depressed, guilty, and shamed. I need to speak frankly about what own sexual thoughts, experiences, and reactions. And I feel like that's not the direction I'm going here.
I don't know if I mislead her or something and I'm not sure what to do. As I said, she seems perfect for me to work this thing out but if she's not addressing what I feel is important, than I'm not where I want to be.

In light of this, I gave her the "Scheduling conflict. I'll make my next appointment when I'm ready," line. I'm unsure if I should continue with her. I want to continue with her, but not in this direction. And certainly not in this direction with the rates she charges (Ouch!)

What should I do? I've considered just going back next time with some phony story about a delightful meting with a nice girl and then maybe we can move on to the meat of the matter. I could, of course, just voice my concerns but A: I'm terribly inadequate at voicing these concerns and can do so only for the comfortable anonymity of the internet and B: I kind already tried and she seemed to think that this was the best course of action.
I'm very willing to work this out. This is my third attempt at therapy and if this one doesn't work, I don't see myself trying again. I'm quite not sure how to handle this turn of events.

I really do appreciate any advice I can get. Thank you!
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