Quote:
Originally Posted by Hbomb0903
I really don't know what to do with myself. Some days I feel almost like I'm just kind of sad.... today both of the kids stayed home from school. One was sick the other is having problems with the other kids picking on him.
There is food, but not much. I feel like a child myself. I can't make myself really do much of anything. The SI I feel today is so strong and I just feel heartbroken. I have all this life around me and it doesn't even sink through.
I don't want to live like this!!! I hate myself and I hate this stupid world that makes me exist in it. And now I feel like I'm whining, but this feeling is so persistent. No one understands but you all. I try to tell someone in my outside world and I'll end up hospitalized for sure. I told my oldest son that the low feeling is back and said sorry but I just feel so lame.
WTF!!!!!!!!!! I hate this so much. I wish I could find a clever way to check out, you know? So it seemed natural. I don't want to traumatize anyone but I can't just keep existing like this???
I don't want to ask why so much, but why??? It's just not fair. Help me someone. And even as I say this I know that you can't.
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Well we can be supportive. I don't think one of us have not been in your situation. A year and a half ago I felt the exact same way you did and handled things the same way you did.
I was so low that I couldn't even get off the couch. Got to the point that I could barely think anymore. There was absolutely no way I was going to the hospital, no way. my girls took away my medication and they rotated staying with me. I feel horrible about that.
It took a lot of time and therapy and drugs but eventually it passed. Afterward I had to learn to LIVE again. Life is better than it was but I have my days still when I'm just tired of the battle and make myself believe that my kids would be better off without me because sometimes I can be such a burden to them. That's the mind **** of this horrible disorder and I still say "why." You're not alone, keep reaching out, stay connected. We are here for you.
