that's my point, if he's playing a video game or watching tv he can stay up until 2 sometimes. Though if I go to bed at 11:30 it's "So late and i'm tired at that time you need to ask earlier." I'm sorry, but something kills the mood for me when I have to ask at all or bring it up or even talk about it, it should just be instinct. Then it's, he's pleased, he's done and sometimes it can be a week again or longer and it's as long as he's pleased it's done and it was all well. I'm not falling for it anymore. I don't even wanna deal with it. Everytime I bring up something I get a pissy fit from him that IM doing something wrong or IM The problem, i'm so over it. I just wanna f'ing be happy and I wish I didn't feel like I had to hold him and shake him and tell him things for him to understand. He's not dumb. It's like he just plays clueless when it comes to it. How f'd up is he in the head that he thinks things are okay this way? I'm just very frustrated and lonely. I wish i had friends near by or something. Money, anything. I don't get those luxuries that he has despite my whole check going to him. I just wish I had SOME kind of a life ya know. THe rest would be easier to handle if him and I were in a good situation but as clueless as he may be thinking we are i don't think we are. I'm not even sure we could ever be happy and it's like.. i'm 30 and still trying and still hoping and i'm just getting sick of it. Sick of letting someone elses actions effect me so much, sick of feeling like I can't be honest and open about things and have a change from it. His answer when i say i'm so sick of so many people is "Shouldn't let things bother you that are out of your control". So, i should just sit around and let things be the way they are in every aspect of my life and just be completely miserable with -everything- or move on from it trying to find happiness? It's so dumb. UGH. I could scream, cry, just such an annoying feeling.