Hello gillybear, first off welcome to Psych Central!
I'm sorry that you and your wife are going through a rough patch. You mentioned she lost her job last year and I wonder, has she always been this way or only after losing her job? Did you two always have issues like these?
It could be that she feels discouraged from trying anything new after losing her job and she could have become depressed after this change in her life. Only a doctor or psychologist can make this determination, but I do think that couples counseling would be a good idea. Perhaps she will be more open and comfortable with starting to work on what's bothering her if she has you by her side. Good luck! I wish you the best with your marriage.