This is going to be long - I tend to be... verbose. Sorry. Because of privacy issues, I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my real life about this.

Try to keep this as short as possible. My BF and I have known each other a year, been dating about 10 months, and "official" about 8 months. It's been the happiest time in recent memory - he's the best thing that's happened to me since my son was born. He's funny, smart, mature, sweet, respectful, just the right amount of freaky in bed, successful, hard-working... I could go on but most importantly, he's comfortable. I can really just be myself with him. I know it's early but I can envision spending forever with him.

So, I'd say this is our first major hiccup. For about the last two weeks, I feel like he's pulling away and distancing himself. I'm sensitive and overreact sometimes so I was kind of trying to keep a cool head about it and not worry too much. He's been working a ton, two weeks straight with I think one day off. And things aren't going well at work, he's the boss and takes everything that's going wrong on himself. I guess that's his job. Anyway, we also have been working opposite schedules so I'd seen almost nothing of him in over two weeks. This is unusual, we usually do something 3-4 times a week, even during tax season which is my crazy busy time and Christmas which is his crazy busy time. I wouldn't think that much of it, and didn't at first, but after a week or so he was calling less and less, responding with short texts, and stopped saying he missed me. I went out of town this weekend with friends and he had originally planned to go but ending up not being able to. I was really disappointed because I had been really looking forward to the weekend to "reacquaint" myself with my boyfriend and get some time to ourselves. But I understood. It was a money issue - he had a bank problem which was causing additional stress on top of his work stuff, I didn't want to stress him out more or make him feel worse than he already did about not being able to go. So Saturday was officially two weeks since the last time we'd actually hung out. I was coming home on Sunday, really really missing him, really really looking forward to seeing him. He texted me Sunday morning, just general stuff about his plans for the day, how was my night, etc. I answered him but never got another response. Maybe I should have kept texting and trying to make plans for that evening, even just brief ones, because I needed to see him so badly. But I have some weird issues with not being answered, especially on text, and my instinct is to pull away more rather than lean in more. So I didn't text him anymore until I was almost home, and he did answer me, and suggested dinner Tuesday. Honestly, I was hurt and pissed. That was two more days away! I already felt like I was strangling without him, how can he just nonchalantly go another two days?! After a couple weeks of increasingly brief and intermittent contact from him, this stung and I couldn't help but think he didn't miss me, didn't care about seeing me. I didn't answer him about dinner. Too hurt and angry at this point.

So anyway, he calls Monday morning. I want to talk with him about all this but in person, not over text or phone. We agree to dinner Tuesday. So he comes over last night, and things felt... off. Awkward. It was probably mostly my fault because I was upset and don't hide it well, but didn't want to bring it up until after son was in bed. Finally, after dinner and kid's bedtime, he brings it up. Amazingly, he admits he's been pulling away, or "distant" was what he said. Honestly, I was pretty shocked that it wasn't my imagination. He says it's because the medication he's been on has been making him numb and crazy. That he feels dead to the world. Plus the stress of work, and he'd been sick, and the bank thing. So he's had a rough couple of weeks. I totally get it. I do. I just - want to see him once in a while, and if I can't, I want to know it's as hard for him as it is for me.

A little background on his medication - I don't think he's ever been on anything before. He started taking Paxil for anxiety (job) about six months ago, mostly because he was having trouble sleeping. Then the doc upped the dose. I still think it's pretty low, like 10 mg. It did its job and tempered the anxiety and helped him sleep. But it effected his sex drive almost immediately. The other symptoms he talks about I didn't notice so much and sounds like they haven't really been a problem until the last month. Because he's been on it six months I'm not really convinced it's the medication that's causing his distance. Anyway, he feels like it's making him crazy and emotionally numb and just "weird". So he stopped taking it, cold turkey, I think on Saturday. I did a little research and the withdrawal from Paxil, turns out, can be brutal. Especially cold turkey. He's getting the dizziness and nausea, and sounds like some emotional stuff too although it's hard for him to describe.

He also mentioned that his job may be transferring him sooner rather than later, which is something we've discussed before but I thought I had at least a year. Now, because of his money problems, it sounds like he's thinking harder about accepting, even though it would almost certainly be too early in our relationship for me to go with him. Neither of us want a LDR, we've both done it before and hated it. So if he takes this job, it would likely mean a break up. And it sounds like he's planning on taking it if they offer it.

Anyway, he apologized for hurting me, and for being distant. A couple of times. And I'm not angry anymore. Now I'm just hurt, and sad, and sad for him, and really worried about him and really really worried for us. He says he doesn't want to be a problem to me, doesn't want to be a burden, that I've already got enough on my plate. I told him I chose him as my problem and I wanted to help him. I get it, because I do the same thing. Having a problem feels like a weakness, so I neither want people to know about it nor ask them for help. I did the same thing a couple of months ago, I was folding under the stress and I kind of pushed him away. He asked me not to shut him out, said that I can't be alone all the time and can't hide from who I am. But now it's the other way around and I'm lost and he's doing it to me. He actually teared up last night - he's never done that - he once told me he'd rather die than have someone see him cry. (His dad was an asshole.)

Oh brother this is ridiculous. Alright, wrapping up. Um, so I guess I'm looking on advice to help him - mainly through this medication withdrawal thing - considering he doesn't want my help. Anybody else withdrawn from Paxil? I actually have but it was years ago, and it was only for a couple of days before I got my hands on some pills. I don't want to push myself on him. Like I said, my instinct when someone pulls away from me is to pull away even further. Just don't want to get hurt. I made him promise to tell his doctor or someone if he had suicidal thoughts, since that can be a withdrawal symptom, I've read. But other than that, I just don't know what to do. I really miss my sweet, loving boyfriend. I worry that he's gone. The person that was here last night wasn't him. And I'm not convinced that all the problems we've/he's been having are due to the medication, since they started so recently. So what is happening? Is he just going through a rough patch? Or is this the real him? I sent him something earlier that I thought he'd think was funny but he responded with "why? because of ....?" which wasn't why it was funny at all... maybe he was just messing with me but I'm also really worried that he's not himself. I'm seriously just considering telling him to call me when he's ready to have me back in his life - because I can't keep trying to help only to be shut down or ignored or whatever. I'm becoming more and more sensitive about the length of time he takes to respond to a text. It hurts and I'm lost. He's out of town now, for another two days. Might see him Saturday assuming I can keep it together and not blow up or freak out between now and then.

P.S. I'm a huge cry baby and it makes having these conversations with him really hard. I can't get out all my thoughts because I'm trying to hard to choke back tears. It makes for not very productive conversations. I cry at really dumb things but I also cry at just strong emotion in general, even if it's not really sadness. It's always been a problem. My ex wouldn't even have these difficult conversations with me because of it.