Hey Dear Gab,
Hang in there and get all the kinks out you can. It seems like his idea of divorce was to scare you back into the marriage, maybe? I agree also that the list is a good tool. I have used that on many occasions just dealing with choices my hubbie and I have had to make. I do know that I couldn't live like that, not being able to speak your mind. You made a great first step though and hopefully the next ones will come easier. Even proposing the list idea to him for you both to work on one evening would be a great idea. Take good care and may you have superman strength.
Sesquix