Wants...Yes...that ability to discern only came to me also in my 40's, and is growing as I age. (One of the FEW blessings of age, I guess!) Like you, I have learned by mistakes and suffering (no understatement), but unlike my friend in CA, I am not crawling in a hole to die! That seems to be his mentality, all the while focused on himself.
I told myself this evening while driving back from the gallery event...Hey, that's not my problem! And as Pat so wisely said...not my job to be his "cheerleader!"
I want to comment on your posting about your students' evaluations of you in the thread about accepting criticism. I'm going there now.
Patty