Maybe the terms "good side" and "bad side" imply that I have two different spheres, like two different personalities, that assert themselves in different situations. If one of those spheres did consistently feel anxious and afraid, I guess its possible that the second sphere would become frustrated with the first. Then, the overall problem would be the reaction from the "good" (inner) sphere to the "bad" (outer) sphere, and the solution would be for the good sphere to accept the bad sphere.

When I am in an unfamiliar situation, I feel cold, but my personality still "smells" like me. I can look back and still recognize my actions as "something that I would do." Even though I have this connection with my outer layer, I think the overwhelming feeling is sadness of the missed opportunity to show my real self. A common trend in psychology is to "hate" the "other self," but I don't view myself (even in my "weak and timid" state) as a different person.

I don't know if I can have my "outer self" work for my "inner self" because the outer self derives its power from the inner self - just without the external confidence and relaxed demeanor. I guess this is going away from my initial post, but I really am confused. What if I can't shake this "outer self" (if getting rid of the outer self is really what's best for me as a whole) because maybe my relaxed demeanor is the illusion rather than the timid behavior? Have you ever heard of any situation like this? I assume that this is rather common based on the views/replies to this thread. Am I missing something that everyone else knows?

Thank you so much,
Pkey