I have been highly addicted to Hydrocodone for a couple years now. I've heard crazy stories of 20 or more pills per day and it kind of makes me feel silly calling my slow build-up to 6-8 per day an addiction.

Originally the prescription was given to me for a purpose and for about a year I kept receiving refills. I won't mention how the addiction continued after those prescriptions stopped....but they did, and it got much worse. Once I realized it helped more than my physical pain I began self-medicating for anxiety, depression, and overall mood elevation.

Long story short I have a couple questions and concerns I am hoping someone will be able to help me with.

1. How long does it take for the high intensity of withdrawing to subside? Will the cravings ever die down or will I live like this forever? I seriously go through some insane moments where I feel I'll die if I don't get my hands on pain killers.

Opiates are so deceiving, yet charming. I feel amazing when I take them (mentally) and it is so great to actually feel again!

2. Could this be why my antidepressants and anxiety meds don't work, or why I am so resistant to those meds?

If so....

3. Given time, will I ever reap the benefits of antidepressants and be able to live a *normal* life again? Or have I messed everything up entirely?

Lastly...

4. I noticed I feel flat. Sometimes I feel sadness and despair with lots of tears, but mostly I feel numb. Nothing excites me or makes me feel happy. I have zero interests. I do force myself to exercise and have been making efforts to socialize now and then....it's just not the same anymore. It's not enjoyable. I literally look forward to nothing and I envision my future as a "black hole". Is this due to over a year of dependency on hydros? Will I ever get my feelings back?

I am seriously scared over this because if this is going to be life until I'm old and grey, I don't see the point of remaining in this human existence any longer.

Please help. I could really use support right now. I'm at a complete loss and feel so hopeless.