Hi pkey, you know I think you've got some really good insight into what different situations make you feel like, but you'd like to be able to take a bit more control over the situations and your feelings??
Maybe have a look at the "Why"s (??) as to why this/that situation makes you feel.............e.g. I cut off then because it feels overwhelming......it feels overwhelming because I'm afraid of..........and perhaps "challenge" the reasons for those feelings.
And perhaps have another look at the kinds of things that give you that confident/relaxed demeanor and how you can bring that more to the forefront in times you feel less in control (as we're all going to feel less in control at times).
I'd say that you don't necessarily have to pin yourself down to "I'm this........." or "I'm that.........." though, there can be so many different aspects to you, in different quantities that come all together as one. And maybe let those aspects work together/for each other in a way that benefits you most. If that makes sense???
Alison