Hi there, psychotic90.

This might sound daft, but after staring at your post for a little while, I realised something:

I believe part of the key to your recovery may lie within those words. You know why you use them, so perhaps you can work on using other ways to escape, such as games, films, programmes, poetry, music, etc. I'm not sure about intense and undesired emotions, but intense and undesired thoughts that can and often have triggered intense and undesired emotions is something with which I'm on-board. For me, escapism via the aforementioned ways have helped me, as did therapy, research, a local-ish support group, and speaking with like-minded people.

I'm no addict (unless you count a long-gone SI addiction, or the addiction to escapism via things like games) so feel free to ignore this.

Best of luck to you.