Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicalRaven
I know that marriage and kids can put a big strain on a friendship. For some reason when she got married it didn't seem like a big change. She still wanted to hang out with me, mostly to get away from the person that she spent literally 24/7 with and she still wanted to share her experiences as a friend, not out of obligation to our friendship. Since I was diagnosed with depression about a year and a half ago and I told her about it she has been all oner the place, first saying that she was always there for me then basically rescinding her availability when I did really need her. Unfortunately the more I need her the more she isn't available. She called me apocalyptic because "every time I suggest something that will be different when the baby comes and suggest ways for you to come over you shoot it down." Unfortunately I was trying to be realistic. She was saying that she would invite me over to her house to hang out when the baby gets her, she doesn't invite me over now so how I am I supposed to know what that will look like, or believe it will even happen. She doesn't drive so I know that if I want to see her it's all on me. It's always been all on me and before she told me she was pregnant we were trying to fix that or at least come to grips with that fact that I don't feel this is a "mutual" friendship anymore.
I will try and fake the liking babies part. I know that people get really annoyed when women don't like children and it's not fair to put that on her, which I'm not trying to do either.
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You don't have to pretend you love children, you just need to take an interest in her and her new life. Often times even people who don't like kids in general will still feel affection to the children of the people we're close to. Usually just because they are an extension of them and the family of someone we care about. However, if there were other problems with your friendship that aren't pregnancy/baby related, then it's hard to say what will happen. You might hang out less, and you most likely will be expected to be the one to make more effort, especially if she doesn't drive. No one would expect you, or any other person who is single, to want to spend lots of your free time hanging out with an infant. I know that when I didn't have kids that's the last thing I wanted to do.
I was never a kid person. I didn't dislike them but wasn't crazy about them either and wouldn't have chosen to be with kids, ever. But when one of my close friends had a baby, the first of any of my friends, I was surprised to find how much I liked spending time with them. I was the one to make the effort- I had to go to her house always, and it's true that the baby was always with us. I thought for sure it would hurt our friendship but it really didn't. Newborns are much easier than toddlers or older kids for non parents to be around since they can't be brats or obnoxious yet, so it wasn't a big deal that the baby was around so much. You may feel the same way and even enjoy the time, even a little.