(((((((((( Inny ))))))))))))

I agree with what the others have said. You are loved here, and you deserve better out of life, and the abuse that has happened to you is not your fault.

What I would like to add is that everything you do has a reason. If it were not helping you in some way, you would stop doing it. Maybe the emotional support helps you to have enough to hang onto so that you are able to keep going for one more day. Maybe SI gives you control of at least one thing in a world where it feels like you are thrown to and fro by whichever whims are currently the most powerful. I hope that these signs tell you that you do have something serious going on, and that you need to get help. Because if you didn't need help, you wouldn't feel this way or act the way that you do. Right?

We can give social and emotional support, but it is going to take therapy and hard work for you to reclaim your life and make it something that you can be satisfied with. Sorry to give you bad news, but the good news is that it does help, and also that you are worth it. You have so much potential. It would be tragic if you didn't get the help you need to make full use of all of your talents, including your ability to relax and enjoy life. Help is out there.

Love,
Wendy