I know I have been in absolute panics before due to feeling like T might have an accident or die or just whatever...

To me it all comes down to vulnerability. Because we care...because he knows so much about me, because he helps me so much, because he is such a big part of my internal life...there will be vulnerability.

But that is part of any loving relationship of any kind. When we trust there will be vulnerability...that they could shame us, abandon us, hurt us, whatever our fears may be....but it is true in every solid and healthy relationship. It's how we learn to overcome these fears and vulnerabilities through trust and time and sharing and growing...that we learn how to have better, healthy relationships with self and others. I suck at this right now...but I know I am learning. It takes time...

Keep talking to T and learn some self-soothing techniques and be a little gentler and kinder with yourself. That is the first relationship you have...and the basis of many fears as well.

I hope this doesn't sound to "kooky", but that is how I am learning to trust and have a little faith in the process, him, me and just life. I have to assume, that he and I will be here another day and for more caring and healing....

Plus I had him give me a written guarantee that he will stay safe and never leave!!!
Just kidding... lol....

Hang in there....
WB