>>But I am going to loss them. Thats just fact. My depression, my unstability, my stupidity, my weakness did this. I am a failure and I know that; maybe thats the reason to my stuborn stupidity.

I see seven adjectives in there and only one of them is true... you suffer from the illness of depression. All the other things are symptoms of the depression, in that the depression lies to you and makes you believe they are true. They are not. You are not stupid, you are not weak, you are not a failure. It is NOT a fact that you will lose your kids.

Please let the doctor help. Let him know how important it is that you don't go into the hospital right now, but that you also need to have your depression treated so that you can deal with your ex and the upcoming hearing. See what he has to offer.

Find out if there is a way to contact your pdoc... let them know this is an emergency and you would like to talk to him if you can. If that is not possible, give the temp guy a try. There is nothing to lose by seeing him, right? Worst case you don't feel comfortable with him, but even then he may offer some advice and may be able to help a little. By not going there is no chance of getting help...

Good luck, and we are all still here to listen. I know this is difficult.

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