I've never felt like I measured up or could stand up to scrutiny in this world, well my little part of it, anyway (curse of an ACoA). And until my parents die, I am stuck here because I will not move away from the area and abandon them in their old age. My one sister followed her fiance (at the time) overseas and ended up staying there and starting a family with another ex-pat. I feel some resentment that she is gone and doesn't have to witness our parents grow old and die up close the way my sisters and I will... but I digress...

Whether we like it or not, it matters what people think of us. Just having a degree or skills is not enough in this "what have you done... lately" society. You have to "fit in". You have to prove you worked consistently in your field/duties at a high level, prove others think highly of you (references), your wage level must be high enough, you must show you didn't stagnate at one level too long or hop from one job to another in a short span of time. What about those of us who don't strive to meet all the demands of this highly competitive, narcissistic, wage slavery work culture? Things are made very difficult for us. I was never good enough growing up and it has cursed me ever since. I cringe at the thought of ever again attempting to squeeze my square peg into that round hole. But I may end up dying; destitute and alone because of it.

Why is this all so very hard for me?

Sorry if I took this issue off in a serious, sad tangent. I am just inclined to think more philosophically about these things. Yes, I've often been told I think too much.