Do others do this?

I get slower and slower. Depressed, constipated, groggy and foggy, slow and fatigued.

At the same time I am hyperaroused, irritable, easily startled, peering all the time.

One foot on the gas the other on the brake.

It gets thicker and thicker, like a thunderstorm. Thick and heavy. O can't think. O feel suicidal. I feel such despair. It's all so hopeless. I am so tired.

Then it breaks. Not flashbacks but memories. Ruminations. Old, old freaking OLD stories. I used to journal. I'd write and write.longhand. Always there is some new insight. Ot can be small ans not so important.

Is processing of trauma such a constantly sifting thing? Doesn't ot get boring? I think Ots boring to remember thirty year old stories.

I trance. Does everyone trance? O sit and stare at old memories writing or typing. Then its clear. I am clearn. I have some new insight about who o am.. a spell is broke.

Is that normal. Would emdr speed it up?

I'm kiind of annoyed.to be back processing trauma when I want physical stuff to he enough

I wish to NOT be crazy anymore.