i dont feel well today. i just...i cant drive. so i cant get more cigarettes or enjoy my day. also again i dont have much gas cuz my dad drove me everywhere while he was off. im very sad when hes gone. i asked him to quit again. he said no basically. but then i prayed for him to be fired. i hope this job doesnt last long. i feel so selfish but this is killing me.

anyway i have a lot of paranoia right now. so much so i feel sick to my stomach. i feel like the planes are after my info. am i a whistleblower? i cant say. i feel like people are watching me through my blinds and on cameras outside my house.

im floored about losing my weight. im trying to eat less and eat cleaner. im drinking a smoothie with kale spinach pineapple strawberry and kiwi. but the kiwi making my lips itch.